A typical West Texas girl...

I love being from Texas. It is where I was raised. I have many memories here. I missed it dearly when I went to school up north. Ask my friends, they got tired of hearing about Texas. The music is fun, the people are friendly, the food is good (Mexican food that is), and at least in the winter time the ground isn't completely covered in snow for five months. With all that said, even though I love my state, I am no longer a typical "West Texas" girl. Notice that I put the "West" in the title. I will always be a true Texas girl, no one can take that from me.

However, West Texas girls are different than most. West Texas is full of small little towns. Midland/Odessa are the larger cities in the area, but still have the small town mentality. Small town girls believe in getting married right out of high school. Small town girls believe in staying home and tending to their husbands. Now please don't take this the wrong way, several girls are able to leave this place and make a better life, and you all ROCK. I truly believe with each generation this small town effect is fading... which is fabulous. But if you ask the average West Texas girl about life, her friends, and what she wants her answers will be pretty generic... "I tend to have more "boyfriends than girlfriends", "I haven't really decided what I want to do yet", and if married "I really do whatever my husband wants to do".

Come on ladies. I am not necessarily a feminist but lets learn to be a little independent here. And more "boyfriends than girlfriends", what is so wrong with girls. It will be your girlfriends that stick by your side through thick and thin. It will be your girlfriends that have more in common with you. And your girlfriends won't ever try to take your relationship past friendship. Lets be honest here who are you kidding, when a girl says "I have more boyfriends than girlfriends", that is just a cover up for, "I am a big flirt and boys love me", or "I am too scared if I have more girlfriends than boyfriends they will try to take my man". Not to sound cache but Smantha from Sex and the City had a hell of thought when she said "Women are for friendships, men are for f**cking."

I myself once had these same notions... they do not exist anymore. I love my independence. I love my girlfriends. And I love my life. Ladies find yourself, don't settle, and live life for today, not for tomorrow.

I am Living Single in Texas...

Dating...sigh...

I now know why I haven't gone on many dates since the break-up, it is hard work. What to wear? What do you want to do? No, what do YOU want to do? Are you hungry? Am I hungry? What are you doing tonight? Does it matter what we do? What to say? How to say it? Did I say something wrong? Is he into me or is he bored? I'm I into him? Why am I so nervous? There is nothing to be nervous about. Again, do I look ok? Oh, wow, I should have worn something nicer, or oh, wow, I dressed up too much!!! Way too many decisions, and I am so scared to make the wrong decision.

And it seems the more you like the guy/girl the more questions you ask yourself. When I am just not that into a guy I am not nearly as nervous. But look out, if I like the guy, I tense up and get scared. It is so not fair. I am really a fun person to be around, and probably over opinionated and such, but not during the first phase of dating. Which is the phase that counts. SIGH...

OK I have decided I need to start researching dating and romance and try to figure out WHY we ask WHY so much. Why we over analyze everything. Why is it so hard to date. I am telling you a person could make a killing on writing books or creating documentaries on "how to date, relax, and have fun". Any body with me, we can make a fortune...

I am Living Single in Texas...

Tuesday nights in Midland, TX...

From reading my blog I am sure you understand Midland is a fairly boring town. Population almost 100,000, and if you count Odessa right at about 200,000 you would think there would be more to do. Unforturnately, No...

What most do on Tuesday, wait take that back... What most single red necks (minus my friends and myself of course)do on Tuesday night is $1 Beer at "The Ranch". The Ranch is the local country bar most people go to dance, play pool, and get drunk. Typical bar. At least a typical bar in theses parts. I of course found myself at The Ranch last night. One of my good friends was having her birthday party there. Hey, don't judge, it was a good way to get a cheap buzz. However the beer is so cheap that the next day, even if you just had one, you are going to have a headache.

Well I am having a good time. Dancing a bit with some friends. Drinking cheap beer. And talking. When all of the sudden I get that dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach. The ex. The one that hurt me. Now I know what your thinking, "why is she not over this guy yet", but what you don't understand is that I am over him. Most don't want to admit it but anytime you see an ex, your stomach does a little turn. My stomach still turns when I see my old high school sweet heart. It is just something that happens, you really have no control over it. But it leads me to some questions... Why do ex-relationships make our stomachs' turn? Why is it even months or years later a single person can have that type of effect on someone?

I am Living Single in Texas...

Sleep finally came...

OK so I crashed for maybe an hour Saturday evening around 5... Then woke up got ready and went out with the girls... Ah, the single life, constantly on the go, but you know you only live once so live it up...

The weekend was awesome, although I didn't get much sleep it was well worth it... and to think I had fun in Midland... Midland is a good place to live, but it is not the most exciting place. West Texas lives life at a slow pace. There's no water, no trees, no big venues, no big names... it is just the simple life. It is how I was raised. But on this journey that I am living, I have learned there is life outside West Texas, but for now West Texas is where I am at, so I am going to make the most of it.

Good friends is what made my weekend amazing... one person in particular...

I am Living Single in Texas...

My head hurts...

OK so I did not have quite evening at home or at the movies Friday night. And I can feel the after effects. In fact, I have not slept since Thursday night. Still going, it is 2 PM Saturday afternoon. Not sure how many hours of no sleep I am running on here.

Today is crazy... The reason why I have not gotten any sleep yet, is because of house maintenance. My step-father had the urge today to fix all my little problems around the house which is great and all, but I need sleep. Plus I need to clean my house, it is a wreck. I hate a dirty house.

At any rate, I am ready for the parents to leave so I can clean my house and then get some sleep :(

I am Living Single in Texas...

Meetings, they always make me nervous....

I have an extremely important meeting this evening. I am uncertain why but meetings make me nervous. There is nothing to be nervous about. I know that I am prepared. I know that I will be fine. But I am nervous.

Nerves, they run in my family. My Great Grandmother and my Great Grandfather, were advised not to get married. Their family doctor said they were such nervous people that their kids would be doomed. And they were. My mother's Aunt Katherine, is the most nervous person I know. She is terrified to even ride in a larger city like Dallas. Not drive mind you, but be in the passenger seat. I remember one trip to Arkansas for a family reunion, she clung to car door handle for dear life, and was strapped in so tight it seemed as if the circulation was going to be cut off.

My mother's mother is an acrophobic, she gets so nervous she can't even leave the house. My mother, is also a highly nervous person, my sister is highly nervous, so maybe it is just a family gene that will never go away.

At any rate, I have to calm down. It is just a meeting. I will be prepared, and I will do just fine.

I am Living Single in Texas...

Today, I hate being single....

Not because I am lonely. Not because I miss the smell and touch of a man. But because I need help.

My car is giving me heck. I know nothing about cars. I don't know where to take it to have it fixed. I don't even know the problem. I am assuming it is the transmission, but assuming gets me no where.

But I think the worst thing is I will have to depend on someone else to get me to and from work. I hate depending on other people. Not because they are unreliable, but I just hate it. I like my independence and depending on someone for a ride is killing me.

So as of right now, I am going to be late to work, because the mechanic shop isn't open yet. I can't get a hold of my mother to take me to work. And I have a ton of work to do today. Someone please scream with me.

I am Living Single in Texas :(

It's Monday...

The beginning of another week. Recouping from the weekend. Millions of things to do. Ah, Monday.

Monday seems to be the dreaded day of the week for most. But being single I don't dread it. True I had to wake up early this morning. True I have a ton of work. But even so, it is the beginning of another week. Soon the weekend will be here. Monday is a day of accomplishment for me. I work my best on Mondays. I am rested from the weekend. I know I will be busy. And at the end of the day I get to play a round of golf.

So don't dread Mondays. They are not all that bad.

I am Living Single in Texas.

It's Friday...

The weekend is merely eight hours away. I truly love Friday. The anticpation of sleeping in the next day. The trivia of deciding what to do for the weekend. I just love Fridays.

Tonight is the perfect night to be single. Tonight I am going to a movie with my girlfriends. A chick-flick of course, "The Lake House". Even though I love being single, I love to watch movies about finding true love. Being single is great, but true love also seems to be great. I just have trouble finding it. So why not combine the best of both worlds; being single and watching movies about true love.

Friday is the last day of a long work week. It is the night I usually like to take it easy. Last Friday I ordered take out and rented four chick-flicks. I sat on the couch eating my take out with a box of Kleenex at my disposal. It was by far the best Friday night I had in a long time.

I do believe I will start spending Friday nights taking it easy instead of trying to go out and get trashed. Another realization I have come to is that going out is nice, but staying in or doing something low key is much better; no horrible hang over the next day :)

I am Living Single in Texas...

Definition of a Relationship:

According to Merriam-Webster:

• the state of being related or interrelated


• a specific instance or type of kinship


• a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings or a romantic or passionate attachment

According to me:

• seeing a person of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on preference) at least 5 times a week
• calling each other pet names all the time
• saying “I Love You” (in most cases)
• being exclusive

Things to remember, you are not in a relationship if:

• do not know the other person’s last name
• do not know any thing about his/her family
• only see each other “every now and then”
• and anything else you want to add to the list

Am I in a relationship? No, I am Living Single in Texas!!!

Why I am single...

I have always been the type of girl to "be in a relationship". From eighth grade until the present I have had a "boyfriend". Sure from time to time I have gone without, but, it was always a short period of time; say 3 months max. But not now, now I am single and loving it.

About six months ago I had my heart broken. This was a new experience to me. True I had boyfriends break up with me before, but it didn't hurt, not like this hurt. Before I go into the details of my heartbreak, let me first take you into my past...

Sophomore year at Midland High, my sister introduces me to her current boyfriend's brother, my future high school sweetheart. He was older, in college, athletic, and of course handsome. He thought I was young and cute. I think it was my blue eyes. At any rate, he liked me and I liked him. We ended up dating for three years. And I broke his heart. After three years, all of which were my high school years, I wanted to experience new things and new people. He wanted to get married. Talk about scary. I was 18 and I just started college. I didn't want to get married. I just wanted to get through school. So I broke it off. It devastated him. But now he is happily married with two kids. Funny how life turns out.

On to the next boyfriend. Only two months after breaking up with my high school sweetheart I fell for the bad cowboy. The cowboy I met in a honky-tonk bar. He had a goatee, boots, and cowboy hat. Ladies you know what I am talking about. I fell hard and fast for the cowboy. It wasn't long before I moved in with him. Now that was a mistake. Our relationship lasted a little over two years. We broke up and got back together. Moved in and out of each other’s places. And even were engaged twice, before we both realized it wasn't going to work.

And then there was the boss’s son. Only two weeks after the cowboy left I met the boss’s son. He was a navy man. He didn’t even live in Texas. He lived in Connecticut. A state that I couldn’t even spell. To this day when I spell it I have to sound it out… Connect – I- Cut. Major rebound from the cowboy. We had a long distance relationship. He even proposed to me when I went to Connecticut to visit him for the first time. A part of me wanted to run, but another part of me said “why the hell not”. You don’t know him that is why not!!! So I moved to Connecticut. I tried convincing everyone, including myself, I was moving for graduate school, but in reality I was moving for him. I moved there in June and by September we had broken up. I did however stay and finished graduate school.

Between September 2003 to July 2004 (9 months) there was the co-worker, the bass player, and a few ex’s (the cowboy and boss’s son) I was never alone. So I wouldn’t count that time as being single. And then in July 2004 I met Mr. Selfish. Whom of course swept me right off my feet. And to this day I am not really certain why… I was with Mr. Selfish from July 2004 to February 2006. I lived with him for the better half of the relationship. I loved him. I loved him more than any other man. However I didn’t see how selfish he was. I did what he wanted, when he wanted, and how he wanted. I didn’t even exist. I stopped hanging out with my friends to hang out with his. I didn’t even see my family very often. This past winter things got bad or I was just wising up. We starting fighting, and before I knew it… he wanted to break up. I didn’t want to. I wanted to fight for him. Truth be told he had already moved on. Moved onto his best friend’s ex-wife, and one of my good friends. The real reason why he wanted to breakup, and the real reason why we were fighting so much.

It is now June. I am 24. And I am single. I have gone on three dates, with three different guys, since February. I haven’t gone on a second date with any of them. I have seen them out and hung out, and I have even talked on the phone with them. But none have turned into a relationship of any kind. I go home by myself and I wake up by myself. Sure I have gotten lonely, but I would rather be lonely than unhappy in a relationship. I need to find my own self before I am with someone else.

I am Living Single in Texas….