Why I am single...

I have always been the type of girl to "be in a relationship". From eighth grade until the present I have had a "boyfriend". Sure from time to time I have gone without, but, it was always a short period of time; say 3 months max. But not now, now I am single and loving it.

About six months ago I had my heart broken. This was a new experience to me. True I had boyfriends break up with me before, but it didn't hurt, not like this hurt. Before I go into the details of my heartbreak, let me first take you into my past...

Sophomore year at Midland High, my sister introduces me to her current boyfriend's brother, my future high school sweetheart. He was older, in college, athletic, and of course handsome. He thought I was young and cute. I think it was my blue eyes. At any rate, he liked me and I liked him. We ended up dating for three years. And I broke his heart. After three years, all of which were my high school years, I wanted to experience new things and new people. He wanted to get married. Talk about scary. I was 18 and I just started college. I didn't want to get married. I just wanted to get through school. So I broke it off. It devastated him. But now he is happily married with two kids. Funny how life turns out.

On to the next boyfriend. Only two months after breaking up with my high school sweetheart I fell for the bad cowboy. The cowboy I met in a honky-tonk bar. He had a goatee, boots, and cowboy hat. Ladies you know what I am talking about. I fell hard and fast for the cowboy. It wasn't long before I moved in with him. Now that was a mistake. Our relationship lasted a little over two years. We broke up and got back together. Moved in and out of each other’s places. And even were engaged twice, before we both realized it wasn't going to work.

And then there was the boss’s son. Only two weeks after the cowboy left I met the boss’s son. He was a navy man. He didn’t even live in Texas. He lived in Connecticut. A state that I couldn’t even spell. To this day when I spell it I have to sound it out… Connect – I- Cut. Major rebound from the cowboy. We had a long distance relationship. He even proposed to me when I went to Connecticut to visit him for the first time. A part of me wanted to run, but another part of me said “why the hell not”. You don’t know him that is why not!!! So I moved to Connecticut. I tried convincing everyone, including myself, I was moving for graduate school, but in reality I was moving for him. I moved there in June and by September we had broken up. I did however stay and finished graduate school.

Between September 2003 to July 2004 (9 months) there was the co-worker, the bass player, and a few ex’s (the cowboy and boss’s son) I was never alone. So I wouldn’t count that time as being single. And then in July 2004 I met Mr. Selfish. Whom of course swept me right off my feet. And to this day I am not really certain why… I was with Mr. Selfish from July 2004 to February 2006. I lived with him for the better half of the relationship. I loved him. I loved him more than any other man. However I didn’t see how selfish he was. I did what he wanted, when he wanted, and how he wanted. I didn’t even exist. I stopped hanging out with my friends to hang out with his. I didn’t even see my family very often. This past winter things got bad or I was just wising up. We starting fighting, and before I knew it… he wanted to break up. I didn’t want to. I wanted to fight for him. Truth be told he had already moved on. Moved onto his best friend’s ex-wife, and one of my good friends. The real reason why he wanted to breakup, and the real reason why we were fighting so much.

It is now June. I am 24. And I am single. I have gone on three dates, with three different guys, since February. I haven’t gone on a second date with any of them. I have seen them out and hung out, and I have even talked on the phone with them. But none have turned into a relationship of any kind. I go home by myself and I wake up by myself. Sure I have gotten lonely, but I would rather be lonely than unhappy in a relationship. I need to find my own self before I am with someone else.

I am Living Single in Texas….