50 years...
My father turns 50 years old today, September 28 2006. 50 years... My dad was born and raised in Wickett, Texas. Wickett is a small town about forty minutes west of Odessa, current population just below 300. He attended Wickett elementary school until he was in the seventh grade and then was bused to Monahans for junior high and high school. Now Wickett doesn't even have an elementary school. Wickett has one convenient store, a small post office, and a swimming pool. It takes less than two minutes to drive through town. To many the town isn't even worth two minutes, but to me it brings back childhood memories. I spent every summer visiting my great grandmother who lived in Wickett. As a young child I loved Wickett so much, I dreamed of moving there and teaching at the elementary school. Funny how things change.
My mother was raised in Wickett as well. My dad and my mom were high school sweet hearts. They started dating when they were freshmen in high school. I wish their marriage had a happy ending, but like so many marriages theirs ended after 22 years, not to mention they had dated four years prior to getting married. 26 years, more than half of my father's life was spent with my mother. It is sad to think about it now, but that is why I am staying single. I am not going to rush into a marriage that will end. When I say, "till death do we part" it will be "till death do we part".
Today my dad turns 50 and for the first time in my life I am closer to my dad now than I have ever been. My father was one of those men who were hard to love. He was a hard workingman, I didn't see him much. And for some of my childhood I felt more like a burden than a child. But really it was my father who was the child because he was not ready for a family. He wanted to work and then go out and reap the rewards of work. His family was not his first priority. Now don't get me wrong I never wanted for anything except attention.
After my parents divorced my dad went somewhat wild. Going out all the time. Partying every night. But not now. Now he has actually settled down and comes home every night. It took 50 years for my father to grow up. 50 years...
It is said that we learn from others mistakes. I have learned to never let a minute pass by without appreciating what I have and not taking it for granted. My father now wishes he had been at my softball games or that he was there to have dinner at night. He can't change that now. My life is my own. No husband. No kids. No responsibilities. Now is the time to live my life for me. But when I do start a family I will live my life for my family. I don't want 50 years of regret. I want 50 wonderful years... and I am half way there. In six months I will be 25 and so far so good.
I am Living Single in Texas...
2 comments:
One thing I have to say about workaholic dads is that we have this belief that we are doing it for the right reasons. My wife's mother left her dad because he wasn't the father and husband she wanted. My wife left me for the same reasons. I believe this happened because my father-in-law wasn't a good enough father for my wife, so I don't think I ever measured up. For years, I did my best to reconcile my wife with her dad. If you read my blog, you'll understand why.
I wish you could someday find it in your heart to forgive your dad. Only true forgiveness will release you from the pressure of trying to size up all the men who come into your life with your past.
So what if he wasn't there for the softball games. So what if he wasn't there for the important events. What's important is that he will always love you and if it came down to it, he would sacrifice all for you.
I love my dad. Yes he was a workaholic but there were times he was not with us and it was not because of work. In fact that was the case more often than not. My father has a changed a great deal and I have and always will love him no matter what. This post was in memory of the 50 years he has lived and the 50 years of change he has made. I never held a grudge against my father for the choices he made, and I never will. So I have nothing to forgive, he did nothing wrong in my mind, he just made me sad from time to time. I do not try to size up the other men in my life or compare them to father. I am a bigger person than that. In fact I hold nothing against anyone who has come into my life or left my life. That is life. And I am Living Single in Texas.
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