Is it safe?

I can’t help, but have a little ray of hope that nice guys really do exist. And when I say nice I am fully aware that it is a very vague term and just by saying a “nice” guy could cover an array of men… however I am looking for that “nice” guy who will not string me along… will not cheat on me… and will always treat me with the utmost respect and honesty even if it means hurting me.

For the first time in 5 months I am willing to let my guard down. I am terrified that 5 months is not long enough. That maybe I should keep it up for at least a year maybe two. Having your heart broke twice in two years is quite an ordeal and I don’t know if I am up for heartache number 3.

I am fully aware that this doesn’t have to be heartache number 3, that this one might be different, but if every relationship is a learning experience, then the lesson I have learned is to NOT let my guard down, that is the only way to not get hurt. But it is so hard to keep that guard up.

I have had some great loves in my life… loves that rocked my world to my very core… but I also know I have had loves that did not return my love… and loves in which that I did not return their love… but I am so exhausted of the entire process. And now there is the task of not getting hurt again, which is making me so tired.

I think I have found a “nice” guy. A guy who wants to love and knows how to love… but what if he changes? What if I’m not ready to love again and I push away the best thing that has ever happened to me? I know that if I keep asking these questions that I will drive myself mad… and probably bring my friends down with me… but I can’t help but wonder “how much more can my heart take?” Is it truly safe to try? Will I just end up with a deeper gash or should I let my scars heal first?

I am Living Single in Texas.