Stages... Why is it that every relationship goes through stages?

The "getting to know each other stage". This is the stage were every outfit you wear has to be perfect. The jeans have to fit just right, the shirt has to hug your body in certain places. Hair, makeup, everything has to fall into place. And god forbid you have bad breath or something in your teeth, so you basically starve yourself while in their presence.

After the "getting to know each other stage" comes the "ok I think I like this person" stage. This is the stage were you smile every time you hear their name. Or even the smallest thing will brighten your day like a text that reads "good morning cutie". You can't wait to get off work just so you can go watch TV with them. It doesn't matter if you are having drinks with friends, watching a movie in the theater, or even at home watching the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy... everything is better because of that person.

But even in the "ok I think I like this person" stage, a part of you still has your guard up. The guard that is afraid to let anybody in because of how badly you were hurt in your last relationship. The guard that can still feel the deep painful throb that makes you sick to your stomach just by the thought of maybe getting hurt like that again. And I am not sure where or when that guard is dropped, but somewhere right after the "ok I think I like this person" stage, your guard drops. And you don't even realize it has until...

Until you find your self awake in the middle of night because of small argument, started by you of course because you were having an extremely bad day. I am not sure what to call this stage. But this is the stage that scares me. It is human nature to retaliate when provoked. My bad day not only affects me, but affects him too because of the mean or hurtful things I say or do. Then because I am pushing him away, he will push me away as well. And it is only then when you remember you let your guard down, because when he pushes you away like you pushed him away, it hurts.

It is the hurt that wakes you up in the middle of the night. It is a small pain that lives in three places: 1) just in between your eyes, the pain that makes you want to cry but you don't because crying will only make it worse. 2) in the pit of your stomach, deep down, and it makes you nausea to light or sound. 3) in the middle of your chest, I am not sure if this is were the term broken heart came from, but in the middle of your chest, deep in your lungs there is a pain, and it is the worse pain, it can even effect your breathing.

The pain is quite difficult to live with, because it isn't until the pain has set in do you realize how childish or foolish you were being. But by the time you realize this the other person is angry and upset and wants nothing to do with you. So even if you do apologize or try to explain they don't care and don't want to hear it. But then I don't know how everything is alright again.

I am very fortunate that my current relationship has very few of these moments. In fact I have only had a couple. Which is a very good sign. And they were just that a moment. Not a huge blow out, but a short moment, a disagreement that disappears.

These are only the beginning stages of a relationship... As every relationship progresses the stages change and tend to be unique to each relationship. Some end here because the little tiffs turn in to large arguments that can not be recovered from. For others things just keep getting better and you learn from your small disagreements. For others they choose to start ignoring each other and some where along the way they grow apart. But I guess no matter what stage of relationship you are in, try to make the most of it, and if it is not worth then stop. Mine... is worth it...

I am Living Single in Texas...

Remembering September...

At the beginning of September all I wanted to do is get through the month. I had activities planned for every weekend... a looming deadline... other projects at work... and trying to keep a social life. September was a difficult and busy month.

I survived September.

I finally have a sense of peace and accomplishment. On October 5th at 1 AM I launched www.MidlandTexas.gov. This is the Web site I have been working on for months. It was a complete redesign of the old City of Midland Web site.

After months of design... code... optimizing... flash... and more code I did it. It took around six months for the entire process. But it was well worth it. I feel satisfied and complete for the first time in an extremely long time. And it is an awesome feeling.

Tomorrow my sister will give birth to my new niece Kaitlien Aubrey Ahrlett. That is my new focus in life. Family and friends. I will give my attention again to those closest to me.

I survived September.

I am Living Single in Texas.