One Day... at a time...
This time last year I was completely miserable. I was in a dead end relationship with a man who no matter how hard I tried would never love me like I loved him. It is sad to think about it now but I was truly unhappy. And I don't know if it is because the cloudy gloomy day outside or because it is the end of the year but I can't stop thinking about how my life has changed over the past year. I guess there are some years that truly change your life forever, and this was one of those years.
Last year... December 27, 2005 I was getting ready to take a trip to San Antonio to spend New Year's Eve on the River Walk and then meet my Dad and family in Ingram to exchange Christmas. My boyfriend and I almost broke up at least three times before we took this trip together.
December 30, 2005 we fought on the ride to San Antonio, and then again in the bookstore by the restaurant we had dinner at... I even remember looking for books on what to do when you break up with someone... the steps you take to start your life again, if that wasn't a sign what was. We fought before we fell asleep that night and we continued to fight the next day. New Years Eve was somewhat of a blur... we met his family on the River Walk (he does have an awesome family despite our problems). He stayed fairly distant from me the entire time. I think he just felt sorry for me at that point... he didn't want to hurt me, but the truth was he didn't love me anymore... if he ever did.
The next day we met up with my parents... I don't think he said two words to any of them. And we then came home, if you could call it a home. He continued to party every night and we continued to fight every day. For some reason I thought the relationship was worth it, I have never been more wrong. A month later we broke up... a month later I began to heal.
I started a new job in the New Year... I met some amazing new friends who I hope will remain my friends for life (Jen and Boo)... I am honored to be apart of the Young Professionals of Midland... plus I have been selected out of 900 plus employees to be apart of the Rising Star Program for the City. My sister had a healthy beautiful baby girl in October... and I met a wonderful man... my cup truly runneth over...
So what does the New Year hold for me? I don't know... and I don't want to know. Last Year I thought I was going to turn my bad relationship around and make it work... I was not living for me, but for something broken beyond repair. The New Year is a time for people to plan out their goals and hopes for the New Year... people can't help but think they know what will happen in the New Year... but the truth is no one knows the future... we can only pray for the best. I plan on living one day at a time... enjoying every moment I am given on this earth... breathing each breath as if it were my last... or so goes the cliché... but to me it is truly how I am living my life now and how I intend on living the rest of my life...
I am HAPPY.
I am Living Single in Texas.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Alcohol and Hormones…
Women have been “cursed” you could say since the beginning of time. When Eve ate the apple and then persuaded Adam to do the same. With that one bite, in that one moment of weakness, woman have been eternally “cursed”. Menstruation, Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Menopause … along with each an array of side effects.
I, only being 24 and having no kids, have only been through menstruation, but speaking from experience it is something I would rather not deal with. I can’t imagine dealing with pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause, but I guess women just deal somehow.
I have however made a recent discover of a toxic combination… alcohol and hormones. It is a known fact that during menstruation women’s hormone levels are higher than usual. In addition to hormone levels women are already cranky from the fact we have been bleeding for days straight, plus the bloating and cramps. Altogether it is a terrible experience and without fail it will happen every month. But what happens when you throw alcohol into the mix. Alcohol is already a depressant… and women during menstruation are already depressed… the result… toxic levels of low self esteem.
Take this weekend for example… its December, which means its Christmas party time…, which means a time to dress up and be social, well that is not so easy during “that time of the month”. Nothing fits right, I feel fat in everything I try on… I definitely don’t feel sexy… much less feel social… but I suck it up and deal because life will not stop for “my time of the month”. Alcohol seemed like solution to my problem. Get a few in me and just loosen up… or maybe not.
Saturday evening… getting ready for the party. First I try to paint my nails… I would have had them done but the line at the salon was just extremely too long, so attempt to do it myself. Bad choice. I make a total mess of it and then have to clean up the mess, the result I am late getting in the shower, which means I am late getting ready, which means I am just plain late. So, now I rush to -W’s house to find compared to him I am extremely over dressed. He is in kakis and a sweater and I am in a cocktail dress. I panic I feel the need to go home and change. I am scared to show my face for the fear of not “fitting in”. And of course all these feelings are pushed into overload due to the fact it is “that time of the month”. To my relief there are several people at the party in cocktail dresses. I start to feel a little better, but still not in the greatest of moods.
The night carries on. We go from one party to the next. I have a slight buzz. I am sticking to clear liquor because I am wearing a white dress… however at the next party it is beer and wine only. ‘What to do’ I order red because white didn’t seem enticing… I can handle it I just need to be careful… wrong. I spill red wine on the front of my white dress. Again panic the night is not even close to being over. By now I am sure –W just thinks I don’t want to be social… but that is far from the truth I was just in a horrible mood… by this time I was having some pretty severe cramps to top everything. I get as much of the stain out as I can, but I know it is there even if no one else does. Sigh…
Now we move from the parties to the bar. Typical West Texas bar… not the best scene in the world but there is not much else to do on a Saturday night in Midland. I had an ok time… but still somewhat irritable. Finally the night is over… but you know how there is that one thing someone can say to just infuriate you to the point where you just want to be mad… well –W pushed me there. Not on purpose, but there is an issue we will not agree on… in fact I don’t know if we will ever agree on it. But that is perfectly normal if we agreed about everything that would be just too weird. So now I am very angry and cramping and bloating. At that point I don’t want to argue or yell I just want to pass out. And so I did.
Due to my already high levels of hormones and then adding a little of bit of alcohol in the mix, my Saturday night could have been better. Don’t get me wrong the company and the parties were great… my body and mood however were left to be desired. I woke up the next morning back to my normal self. Why oh why am I “cursed” I didn’t eat the stupid apple.
I am Living Single in Texas.
Women have been “cursed” you could say since the beginning of time. When Eve ate the apple and then persuaded Adam to do the same. With that one bite, in that one moment of weakness, woman have been eternally “cursed”. Menstruation, Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Menopause … along with each an array of side effects.
I, only being 24 and having no kids, have only been through menstruation, but speaking from experience it is something I would rather not deal with. I can’t imagine dealing with pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause, but I guess women just deal somehow.
I have however made a recent discover of a toxic combination… alcohol and hormones. It is a known fact that during menstruation women’s hormone levels are higher than usual. In addition to hormone levels women are already cranky from the fact we have been bleeding for days straight, plus the bloating and cramps. Altogether it is a terrible experience and without fail it will happen every month. But what happens when you throw alcohol into the mix. Alcohol is already a depressant… and women during menstruation are already depressed… the result… toxic levels of low self esteem.
Take this weekend for example… its December, which means its Christmas party time…, which means a time to dress up and be social, well that is not so easy during “that time of the month”. Nothing fits right, I feel fat in everything I try on… I definitely don’t feel sexy… much less feel social… but I suck it up and deal because life will not stop for “my time of the month”. Alcohol seemed like solution to my problem. Get a few in me and just loosen up… or maybe not.
Saturday evening… getting ready for the party. First I try to paint my nails… I would have had them done but the line at the salon was just extremely too long, so attempt to do it myself. Bad choice. I make a total mess of it and then have to clean up the mess, the result I am late getting in the shower, which means I am late getting ready, which means I am just plain late. So, now I rush to -W’s house to find compared to him I am extremely over dressed. He is in kakis and a sweater and I am in a cocktail dress. I panic I feel the need to go home and change. I am scared to show my face for the fear of not “fitting in”. And of course all these feelings are pushed into overload due to the fact it is “that time of the month”. To my relief there are several people at the party in cocktail dresses. I start to feel a little better, but still not in the greatest of moods.
The night carries on. We go from one party to the next. I have a slight buzz. I am sticking to clear liquor because I am wearing a white dress… however at the next party it is beer and wine only. ‘What to do’ I order red because white didn’t seem enticing… I can handle it I just need to be careful… wrong. I spill red wine on the front of my white dress. Again panic the night is not even close to being over. By now I am sure –W just thinks I don’t want to be social… but that is far from the truth I was just in a horrible mood… by this time I was having some pretty severe cramps to top everything. I get as much of the stain out as I can, but I know it is there even if no one else does. Sigh…
Now we move from the parties to the bar. Typical West Texas bar… not the best scene in the world but there is not much else to do on a Saturday night in Midland. I had an ok time… but still somewhat irritable. Finally the night is over… but you know how there is that one thing someone can say to just infuriate you to the point where you just want to be mad… well –W pushed me there. Not on purpose, but there is an issue we will not agree on… in fact I don’t know if we will ever agree on it. But that is perfectly normal if we agreed about everything that would be just too weird. So now I am very angry and cramping and bloating. At that point I don’t want to argue or yell I just want to pass out. And so I did.
Due to my already high levels of hormones and then adding a little of bit of alcohol in the mix, my Saturday night could have been better. Don’t get me wrong the company and the parties were great… my body and mood however were left to be desired. I woke up the next morning back to my normal self. Why oh why am I “cursed” I didn’t eat the stupid apple.
I am Living Single in Texas.
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