Looking back at February...

I have been writing Living Single in Texas for almost two years now. It is a blog I started shortly after surviving yet another breakup... the breakup that really almost broke me for good... and I am still not certain that it didn't. I felt the need to write about my life... it is a fairly interesting life... and at times quite comical, but more over I wanted to write about my life so that maybe I could one day look back and maybe understand what I am doing wrong. Why, oh, why do I go through so many relationships that end in failure?

I recently looked back at my February 2007 postings... it was then that I remembered how much I dread the month of February. Because I am not currently in a relationship, I had forgotten how painful the month of February has been. In five days it will be two years to the day that I had my heartbroken in two... two years to the day that I thought life will surely not go on... two years to the day that I truly started living life.

It is always odd to look back and remember heartache. More than likely it is not healthy but I can't help but wonder, yet again, what did I do wrong. Why did he not love me? Why did the man after him not love me either? Is there something about me that is not lovable? Do I have some strange habit that is annoying? Do I snore? Did I gain too much weight? Did they really lose the attraction they once had for me, and if so why? These are questions I can't help but ask. I really need to know what is driving these men away... if not to ensure a successful relationship in the future... but to at least sleep better at night knowing what I did wrong and I able to correct it.

Thus far, February 2008 has treated me well... although I won't speak too soon. February 2007 was when my boyfriend at the time started to think twice about our relationship and even though he started thinking about it in February it took him until the end of July to call it off. He led me on for six months... and it all started in February. It might not be fair to him to say that he lead me on because I knew how he felt and I should have ended it in February too, but deep down I thought he would change... deep down I thought that if I did everything in my power to please him that he would see how wonderful I was and fall for me... I was so wrong. And if you want to venture back to my February 2007 postings you will see all the other past Februarys and how that this really is never a good month for me. Maybe I am just being pessimistic, but it is so easy when such negativity surrounds this month.

However, like I said, I have no complaints in February 2008... and I am almost half-way through the month so maybe 2008 really will be the year when my life changes. After all this is the first time in my life that I have been single for more than six months straight. This is the first time in my life when I don't feel like I need someone in my life to make me feel whole. I feel whole and alive... I feel like I am walking on air and that I can conquer the world... I feel truly happy.

I am Living Single in Texas.

Starting all over again...

The New Year is a time for starting new. For some it might be a new job... or maybe a new diet... or maybe a new outlook on life... for me it is the later. This year has been quite different past few years... I for once in my entire life am actually living my life for myself, and I am loving it.

I honestly have no clue where January went. It seems just like yesterday I was celebrating Christmas with my family and now Valentines Day is right around the corner. I am so relived that this year I don't have to do one damn thing for Valentines Day. It is a very overrated holiday. I truly believe the card and candy companies invited Valentines Day to boost their sales before Mother's Day. Even if I was in a relationship I would prefer to just treat Valentines Day as another day. If a man wants to be romantic he should do something random on a random day of the year, that would mean more to me than getting a cheesy Valentine's Day card.

This Valentine's Day I will be at the gym working on my body... and let me tell you it won't be long now and I will be ready for swim suit season... and this summer is going to rock, I can already tell. I do believe I will be hitting the lake and river several times over this summer and what better way to enjoy living life than spending time at the lake with awesome friends.

So here is note to all the hopeless romantic single women out there who are bummed out about not having a date on Valentine's Day... don't sweat it. You are fabulous and you don't need a cheesy man getting you flowers on a day he feels obligated to do so. Wait for that man who will bring you flowers for no reason at all... the one who will cook you dinner on a Tuesday night just because he wants to make you smile... or the man who loves you for you... and you love him for him. Don't tell yourself otherwise... it truly is worth the wait.

I am Living Single in Texas.