Wanting what we don't have???

Is it true that in life we always want what we don't have? I spent this weekend with my sister and my two amazing nieces. It was the first "girls" trip I have had with just my sister in a long time. In fact I cannot remember the last time that the two of us just hung out (no offensive Jeffrey I love you too!!!) but sometimes you just need sister time, it was great!!!

My sister and I are complete opposites... and when I say complete opposites I mean in every way. She is blonde... I am burnet... I tend to be well endowed up top but little on the bottom... again opposite... but it is just not physically we are also opposite in life as well. She has an amazing family... a husband that treats her like a queen... and two girls, one seven, and one well one. They are amazing. I am single... no man in sight... no kids... and again none in sight. She likes coffee, I hate it. Even in school we were opposite... she loved spelling... I liked math and science. Funny I guess that two people who have the same genes can be so different.

She confessed to me that she envies me sometimes. She wishes she had put off having a family so she too could be career oriented and come and go as she pleases. But at the same time would never give up her family for anything. This got me to thinking about how people always tend to want what they don't have. And I thought about this for a bit... Do I want what I don't have? Hmmm...

I have to admit I see my sister and her husband and I am a little jealous that she has found that someone who completes her... but at the same time I am very content in my life right now and truth... I don't want my sister's life. Not because it is not wonderful and fulfilling... I had the most amazing time this weekend... but I am not ready.

I think my sister and I are complete opposites for a reason. We both get to be apart of each other’s life... it is said that you can't lead two life’s... that is not true... I get to experience a wonderful family life through my sister... and she gets to experience the ups and downs of being single through me. Together we have the perfect life.

I am Living Single in Texas.

Games, Drama, and Attitude... are for Children.

If there is one thing I am thankful for about getting older... it would have to be wisdom and self-control. No more games, drama, or attitude I am too old for that crap. I have been through every type of relationship under the sun... the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY. The good... my last relationship, we treated each other as equal, respected one another, and overall had a good relationship (minus the bad ending). The bad... my cowboy phase, who toke me for everything I had which included money, time, and my heart. And then the ugly, the one who not only cheated on me but who cheated on me with a friend, in fact his best friend's wife (very ugly). But in each relationship I learned how to control my feelings and properly deal with issues and problems that came up.

Now I am no saint. I use to play the games... create the drama... and I could give more attitude than a 16 year old girl. Screaming, crying, hitting, throwing fits... when things didn't go my way (or the way I thought things should be, but really shouldn't). At any rate I am proud to say I have grown up. It has been a very long time since I behaved that badly... in fact I can't remember if I ever reacted that way in my last relationship (which is why it was a good relationship)... and if I did it might have been for split second when I came back into reality fast. And as each day passes and the older I get the more I realize how stupid and petty that behavior truly is.

This brings me to last night. A man/boy who by the way is older than me... pulled the drama and attitude card. I could not believe it. Someone I do not even know... I have not even gone on a date with this man... but yet something I did or said caused him to behave like a child. (Whoa back off buddy) I am adult I will speak to you like an adult and if you choose to behave like a child then I will refuse to associate with you... it is as simple as that.

Which leads me to this… save your time and energy fellows... I am not taking the bait. I am single... I am happy to be single... I do not want a boyfriend... I will not hold your hand, play kissy, face, or show any sign of affection for you. I only do that when I am in a relationship (PERIOD). So please do not take offense or throw attitude when all you have done is ask me on a date or maybe talked to me a few times when we have been out in the same group together. That does not mean I am with you. So you have no right to get upset with me for telling you to back off.

I am getting older, wiser, and picky. I will not settle... I will not jump into another relationship... I will not be a girl toy... I will take things slow...

I am Living Single in Texas.

One Step...

One step at a time. That is what it takes to get over a broken heart. And I have taken a few steps over the past two months. One Step closer to my heart healing... one step closer to my memory of him disappearing... one step closer to achieving my dream.

It might sound cliche but it is funny how true cliches really are, as stated once by Jack Ingram. "Keep on keeping on" "Dance like no one is watching" "Love like your heart has never been broken" So today I am "One Step Closer".

I have had a fun couple of months, especially this past month. My friends really pulled through for me and kept me occupied and busy not allowing me to ponder on the past or on him. I meet some new friends as well. A few who even made me feel beautiful and wanted. Although the last thing on my mind is a relationship I did meet one or two guys who were fun for a time. Who would take me dinner or to a movie when I really need to get out of the house. It is funny how these people come along when you really need to just get away. Not only did they keep me company but they also made me feel better about myself. Made me realize that as much as I blamed myself for the failure in my last relationship... because I really did... I thought I had gained too much weight... or was not as attractive as I once was... or maybe I was boring... or annoying... I am not sure what it was but I was certain that I had done something to drive my ex away... and now I realize that it was not me at all. That I am great, awesome, good looking person with a ton to give and who I end up spending my life with is one lucky man, and to all my exs, boy did you miss out on something good. As stated by my best friend Christa "I know you LeaAnn, you treat the men in your life like gold."

I had a fun fling this last month and I am little sad it has come to an end... but at the same time I knew that it was only matter of time. After all I am not looking or wanting anything and it is kind of hard to date a traveling sales man. Although it does make for a good story to my parents when they ask who I have been dating and I simply state "a homeless guy"... you should see the look on their faces. Well he's not homeless he just lives out of hotels... and his hotel is no longer in Midland, but it was fun while it lasted.

I regret to say this next month will not be as easy as the last. I am afraid that it will be the three month lapses... well I am not afraid I know it will be. As much as I will try to get my mind off of the breakup it will be hard, due to several reasons, the first being I will have more time on my hands because I will not be physically able to go out as often. I am having minor surgery next Monday and it is kind of emotional and scary all at the same time. (Please do not ask). Plus last October had so many memories that I shared with him that I will be remembering yet again, but alone.

Don't get me wrong I am happier than I have been in a long while. And truthfully I am happier single than with I was in my relationship, but there is just something about lonely that kind of stings. But lonely is a much less painful sting that loving someone who doesn't love you in return, so I can deal with the sting. But regardless of how painful this next month might be, both emotionally and physically, I will not let my one step closer take me two steps back, I am going to keep stepping closer.

I am Living Single in Texas.

Is being single the definition of insanity?

In order to make a drastic change in your life it takes time, patient, and a tough skin. I say a tough skin because of what you have to endure to actually make the change. To some who might look at my life right now they might not think I have changed much over the years. I get up go to work... come home... relax... and some nights I might go for drink. And of course when I go out for a drink it is the usual places... The Bar when I just want to hang out... or The Ranch when I want to dance.

This leads to the next assumption people often make when they look at me... "So how do you actually expect to meet someone and get married if you don't change where you go out... or what you do on a day to day basis?" And I have thought about this and this is where my tough skin comes in... you people who ask this have no clue.

It is amazing to me the looks I receive or the conversation I endure when I tell someone I am SINGLE. You would think I told them that I just got out of an insane asylum. Their eyes get real big... I always get the "seriously?" question... and then comes well you should meet my friend's friend... as if they are referring me to a shrink to cure the craziness. And then that of course leads to the above statement that I need to change my routine.

Guess what people I don't want to change my routine!!! Oh I am changing, trust me I am changing everyday... and as each day passes I just closer to my goal. And when that day comes then you will be saying... damn that was a drastic change and maybe you will stop telling me change.

It is not my goal in life to settle down and have a family so why change the way I live just to find someone. I don't want to find someone. I have tried endless times to find someone... and each time I have done it in a different way... tried different things... and guess what it has never worked. If that is not a sign I don't know what is. I am happy with my routine, I don't want to change it, and I am not expecting my life to change.

A change is coming just not yet. So in the meantime I am going to go The Ranch and dance to Texas country music and enjoy my friends here in Midland... because a change is coming. And for the record I am not insane because I am single.

I am Living Single in Texas.

Baseball...

It is that time again. Almost time for the playoffs. And I can't wait. My Bo-Sox are in the AL East lead... now if we can only pull it off again. Lets hope.

Something that sparked my interest recently is a T-Shirt Blog... gotta admit I love a good tee... and if it is Boston tee then all the better...

T-Shirt Guy's T-Shirt Blog: Who's #1?

Just cause I am Living Single in Texas does not mean that I don't support the Boston Red Sox!!!